Natalie went on talking and making eyes

as though she didn't care or had no idea of what Belinda's thoughts about her were,

yes that was Natalie,

absolutely no grasp

of what people really were like or thought; and just as though

they could go on being friends

if even a hint of what she said was true

because who could imagine that she was serious saying she might be in love with another girl and sitting there not worried about whether she thought it was true,

but that was Natalie for you: she had no idea

how to hide her emotions and

would never be able to not even if it

killed her.

3

Natalie was trying to discover who she was and to find out for herself what life was and what it would demand of her eventually although it was difficult the way things went to sit down with anyone and ask questions who took time to consider answers not with someone she felt she could trust a schoolteacher or say a doctor:

Love came too suddenly

like a shaft of bright lightning out of

a summer sky and the bruise it

left in Natalie's heart

ING

would last a long time but right at first. in the first blind joy of this unprepared-for beauty and happiness when she had still believed she would be able to see herself in the quick bursts of recurring new love that detonated without force, exploded in her with a power without violence (and yet how completely she had been carried away!) that fulfilled and in some way created her

9